Jack for Nibs

It's been a week since we were Tonsai Dreaming.

We've left the cliffs for skyscrapers, beaches for streets and bungalows for shopping centres. We are in a place now where beggars and businessmen, slums and sophistication mix to the haphazard beat of the roaring traffic. Ahhh, the big smoke...

Leaving Tonsai was a natural process. The night of the last send, the monsoon season kicked off, putting limits on areas and times able to be climbed. Not that it mattered anyway, it just gave us an excuse to hide our unwillingness to climb anymore. After months of climbing harder than we ever had before, after projecting move after move and working up to the emotional battering of a failed send attempt, after numerous injuries and health setbacks, we were happy to be able to rest and not feel the pressure or need to climb.

So, after sending our projects we were thrilled to throw off the climbing mantle and adopt the beach bum, support crew, cheer squad position for new arrivals, namely a young couple from Canadia (sic). Enjoying the projecting experience from the other side of the mirror, we were relieved not to have to go through the same frustrations, but shared the satisfaction of the send regardless. For some the satisfaction took a little longer than others, with Tyler taking out the title for longest siege of a route. Got to admire his perseverance though. Thirza (maybe the cutest girl in the world -John) gets the bravery and patience award for belaying someone almost twice her weight and height, which proceeded to get her a black eye when her anchor broke and the draw holding her to the log whipped up and hit her face.

Thanks also to these guys for their willingness to teach us card games and indulge in ours. It's amazing to think that even with only a week to go you can meet and become attached to people, making more hard goodbyes.

With the monsoons and stormy seas making passage from Tonsai to Ao Nang all but impossible, it sometimes became necessary to travel via Ao Nam Mao (the only longboat port to operate in bad weather) and Railay East. One internet trip to Ao Nang ended with a storm, forcing us to hire a young man (kid) with a big, new engine on his longboat (possibly his dad's) from Ao Nam Mao to take us home. The trip is what you'd expect with a crazed teenage driver in a suped-up ride. Smiling, he told us to sit at the front of the boat, and, silly us, we thought perhaps this was to weigh the front down. Actually, it was so when we hit the big waves, we got the most airtime. Like in the Roadrunner cartoons, we'd always seem to pause(at the 'deadpoint', for Tiff's students), with just enough time to ponder how painful the landing was going to be. The longboat became a zero-G ride. All the while, homey-G in the back was laughing hysterically. So we made it back, had a heap of fun, but seemed to have paid twice as much as we should have (even though we had bartered the price down).

A repeat of this ride with 60kg of baggage (which we would have had to have lugged over the muddy, steep jungle path from Tonsai to Railay East through rain) was not appealing, especially as garbage bags (poorman's packcover/waterproofer) are worth gold on the Phra Nang Peninsula. Herein lies the irony: you can't buy, borrow or steal garbage bags - they are so valuable to the locals, and yet there is still rubbish everywhere. So you can imagine that we were praying desperately for good weather. Our prayers weren't answered, but Tyler and Thirza's were and it was just lucky that we were leaving the same day (which is just as well as we needed someone else to help carry our bags - thankyou again).

We spent the night in Krabi (go the Green Tea Guesthouse!) and revisited our first night in Thailand by reminiscing on the pier and eating at the Night Market. A full circle, closing the Tonsai leg.

En route to Trang, we visited the Crystal Pond and Emerald Lagoon (beautiful clear water, tinged with turquoise green) and Hot Springs. So, a hot shower was followed by a chilly swim, topped off by Jacuzzi-like (hot spa) indulgence. Tip: anyone on Tonsai wanting a restday for tired and sore muscles - visit the Hot Springs!!! After three months of cold showers, two bouts of hot water in a day was heaven.

Visiting Dan and Lit (first time for John), was fun and exciting edutainment, making us wish we had spent more time with them. We re-visited Tiff's previous experiences (minus spice and space) and did a run to the Malaysian border (9 hours in a minibus with strangers) to get another 30 day visa. Great thing was, not a single Westerner to be seen.

The train to Bangkok was comfy and spacious with air-conditioning, bunk beds and double-sized seats (800 baht each for those who thought bus was cheaper at 1000 baht). The journey was blissfully uneventful and even the bargaining for the taxi to our hotel at the other end was easy (thanks Dan).

Enter the horrors of Khao San Rd and Bangkok. The whole experience is sensually overwhelming. Everything is loud, noisy, smelly, fast, in-your-face, tactile and unrelenting. You are bombarded with taxi-drivers and stall-holders hassling you to enter their taxi/shop and hand over your hard-earned baht. No matter how many times we heard these things before we arrived, nothing could prepare us for the actual experience. Ao Nang was a sleepy playpen compared to the themepark that is Khao San. So after two nights spent in a hotel around the corner (thanks Dan), we were happy to move to the home of a Thai family who we knew through a student the Meliis had hosted a couple of years ago. Staying with a Thai family in a wholly Thai neighbourhood, is an experiece that very few Westerners get to enjoy. It is something that we are most grateful for.

We are also grateful to be leaving the big smog soon. We have spent the last three days in shopping centres - air-conditioned, pollution-free comfort. We even got to see a real-life English movie (Thai subtitles) - X-Men 3. Is that even out in Australia yet? We did a spot of shopping to replace damaged or badly-designed products (damn you Black Diamond headtorches / headlamps for you Canadians) and tomorrow we head off to Kanchanaburi for real monks and even real-er Tigers. This place also sports the infamy of the Death Railway and the Bridge over the River Kwae.

Tonsai Tips and Tricks:

Mould grows everywhere - don't try to stop it, you'll only get hurt.
Don't step on Thai hairy caterpillars - the pain will last for a week.
That furry leaf is probably a hairy caterpillar (or mould).
Even after three months you can still get ripped off.
Don't sit in the front of a long boat when the seas are high. You'll only get hurt.
You will fall off every move of your project before you send it.
A climb will only allow so many people to send it in a day - make sure you get in early.
Don't say a girl is cute in front of your girlfriend - you'll only get hurt.
Don't go kayaking when the tide is going out and a storm is coming. It will only end with the kayaking using you for buoyancy when you carry it across the rocks.
No matter how hard your girlfriend pouts at you, don't let her convince you to go kayaking. You'll only get hurt.
What happens in the kayak stays in the kayak.
Someone who has been playing cards for many years will probably beat you at whatever game you 'teach' them.
When you're gambling with toothpicks, bet recklessly. Now I have clean teeth. -John
Make sure your belay anchor is good all the way around.
A frayed rope will break, it may just take a 190 pound Canadian to do it. Oh, and you'll get hurt.
Tonsai damp will linger long after you've left.
Tonsai will grow on you, just like the mould.


Bangkok for Beginners

Drivers here are mad. They have no sense of safety.
Pedestrians have to be traffic conductors to cross the street.
Everyone wants your money.
Sales Assistants don't assist, they persist, then pout, and use every trick including emotional blackmail to get you to buy TODAY. They will then get angry when you don't. Oh, and you are NOT allowed to touch or try on anything before you buy.
When Sales Assistants start saying please, walk away.
That's not a storm coming, it's the air you're breathing.
Everybody smokes here, even if you don't.
The 19th Hole Massage Parlour has nothing to do with golf.
Khao San is no place for beginners, unless you are "bohemian", want dreadlocks, like living among Westerners on your Asian holiday or have heaps of money and a desire to lose it.
Leave as soon as you can.


Other Thai Wisdom

If someone thinks you are Thai, use it to your advantage.
Thais think John is Thai.
John is not Thai (really).
Just because you can count to 10 in Thai doesn't mean you can have a conversation with a Thai person.
Thais don't understand the joke / philosophical question "What came first, the gai or the kai?"
Gai means chicken.
Kai means egg.
Moo means pork - go figure.

saintrinity