It's OK to Kara-oke, if you know the tune...

Tiff and John on Life in Japan
For the first time since we had left Australia in February 2006, we had settled down and were living an ordinary life with routines and obligations and monotony and work; in Japan. It feels weird to say that, because life had taken on a normality which you wouldn’t think would exist in a country so different from your own. But once you know a few choice phrases, can navigate the train stations efficiently, and know where to buy your groceries, life settles into the mundanity that only travellers can escape. Therefore, we are writing today as anecdotes. Unlinked and non-temporal. Only related through their existence in our lives in Japan.

Tiff and John on Cities in Japan
For all you people back home, imagine the Brisbane CBD is expanded to include Kelvin Grove, Bowen Hills, Milton, West End and South Brisbane. Then imagine that there is another CBD at Ashgrove, one at Breakfast Creek Wharf, one at Auchenflower and one at Annerley. The highrises are neverending in every direction, and are interspersed with surburban areas which have buildings averaging 2-7 levels in height. And then add 12million people with the aroma of sake and fish all heading in the same direction at 9am. Subtract oral hygiene, subtract common sense, subtract physical awareness and the ability to walk in a straight line. This is Tokyo.

Our home: Nakano City, Tokyo, Japan
Number of Households: 174,021(Japanese) / 7,421(non-Japanese) (As of December 1, 2007)
Population: 310,406people (Japanese 299,387 male 149,954 female 149,433 / non-Japanese 11,019 male 5,223 female 5,796) (As of December 1, 2007)
Area: 15.59 km2
Population density: 19,910 people per km2(As of December 1, 2007)
Geography: Nakano City ranks 14th in area and makes up approximately 2.63% of Tokyo's 23 wards. The city is situated from 20 to 50 meters above sea level in Western Tokyo, has five rivers running through it and there are five plateaus. Nakano City has a relatively high population of people in their twenties, such as students and single individuals.
Industry

As Nakano City has developed primarily as a residential area, there are relatively few business interests in the city. Those that do exist are predominantly in tertiary industries such as commerce and service. Recently, by the influence of population concentration into the neighboring Shinjuku area, the expansion of private enterprises has increased in Nakano City.
http://www.city.tokyo-nakano.lg.jp/English/outline-e1.html

Tiff and John on Erections in Japan

There have been a lot of local government erections being run around Tokyo. Do you want to run for local member? How to run in an erection in Japan:
1) Be so old you look senile or so young you look like you’re still in high school.
2) Get a compact white van and three friends – one who can drive and one who owns a loudspeaker and a microphone that you can strap to your van roof; alternatively find a street corner and prop your flag, megaphone, friends and billboard up there.
3) All of you dress up in fluoro orange or fluoro green raincoats (even though you’re in a van and it’s not raining).
4) Get white gloves. Put them on.
5) Yell ‘Ohayo Gozaimas’ (Good Morning) at the top of your lungs into the microphone and have all your friends smile and wave their white gloved hands at the empty streets, closed shop roller doors and vending machines (except for the driver, he has to look serious).
6) Hand out fliers that have the exact same policies on them as every other candidate.
7) When you actually see a person, make eye contact and smile your Jedi smile until they smile and wave back like a manic maniac. And wave their dogs’ paws at you.
8) Circle or stand on the same streets for 18 hours a day and do the same thing tomorrow.

Tiff and John on Fashion in Japan
Tokyo, being one of the fashion capitals of the world is obviously well known for its groundbreaking trends. Fashion in a nutshell: too much makeup (or “make”, as they call it here), too much hairspray, the hair looks too much like the Nanny named Fran or a Lion’s mane, the Louis Vuitton handbags are too gaudy, the shoes too pointy, the heels too high, the jeans too tight, the jackets too furry, they spend too much time looking in the mirror and adjusting already strategically positioned wisps of hair – and that’s just the men. But what would we know? We’re just two dags from a big country town down under... But in an ironic twist, flannel is more popular here than in Australia. Who would have thought? Oh, and Converse Chuck Taylor All Stars with heels DO NOT WORK, and even other Japanese people think it’s rude to use a lighter to heat your eyelash curler and use it on the train!

Tiff and John on Television in Japan
Japanese television is a sight to be seen (literally). If you judged the whole population of Japan on these shows, you would think that Japanese people like getting naked (true, though only in hot springs), they cry ALOT, and they often slap each other on the head disrespectfully. In reality, only Shibuya girls show much flesh (and then there’s not midriffs or shoulders – only legs and cleavage), nobody shows ANY emotion, and even looking at someone else is considered an invasion of personal space. The Japanese have a penchant for wacky game shows on ultra high budgets where the contestants perform outrageous stunts and challenges. See YouTube “Human Tetris” for an example; also, “Ninja Warrior”. Their love of TV challenges has spilled over into the commercial sector, creating a theme park (Muscle Park) where the general public can try out Ninja Warrior obstacles (Arm Bike, Criffhanger, Sarmon Radder and Pipe Srider). We had a go and we are now official “Ninja Warriors”.

Tiff and John in Pursuit of the Horizon in Japan
Since arriving in Japan, we had been searching for a spot to see the end of the buildings. In pursuit of the horizon, we visited Odaiba, the manmade island built on refuse and waste in Tokyo bay, but only saw docks. We did however, catch a subjectively 2cm glimpse of flatness where only boats rose above the sightline.

A few weeks later we went to Kamakura, a ‘beach’ side town at the bottom end of Tokyo bay. Famous for its temples and 13m high Buddha statue, we visited on a beautifully clear day and saw the ocean, flat at the end of our vision. Wading in the shallows of chilly water, walking joyfully through forest (marked by plastic ‘wood’ posts), bathing in the sunlight under high blue skies.

Tiff and John on Cherry Blossoms in Japan
An excerpt from John’s private ramblings:
“Today I just felt like walking. There was the sun, its warmth I have not felt for days, its light I have not touched for weeks; at least it feels that way. I live underground now, in the subways, in the basements, in a small loft, always underground; at least it feels that way. Sometimes I forget that there is a sky; I’m sure it’s blue; I remember it being blue, somewhere, somewhere the sky is blue for those who look, for those who live above the ground; there are days where I say that. I am always surprised when I see the sky and the sun. They don’t really belong in my life at the moment.

I walked under the cherry blossoms. I walked for miles under the cherry blossom trees, pink sky above me, soft petals falling like snow, blankets of petals under foot. I would like to think that the air was sweeter, more fragrant, but I’m not sure it was. Crowds, long strings of passersby, all walking with smiles on their faces, petals on their shoulders. Angel kisses as the petals fall past your cheeks. The young being pushed in prams, the really old in wheelchairs. The prams catch the most petals – little babes sleeping in cherry dreams of what is to come, this is their first blossom season; as do the laps of the old, trundled along gently, dreaming blearily of what has been, how many more seasons for them? Such a vision of life as each passes the other. Everyone was out to enjoy the atmosphere. I had no direction to walk, I had enough direction during the week, I just followed the trees, keeping the pink canopy above me, the crowds around me. I took nothing with me, no camera, no bag, no jacket – it was too warm, no phone. Nothing; save memories. Memories of the other roads, paths, trails, walking on sand dunes in the desert, walking on sand on the beach, walking in snow.... all the places I’ve walked. All the things I’ve walked through, all the things I’ve walked away from, even the things I’ve walked away from at home. All these memories I carried with me as I walked. All these memories taking on a slightly pinkish hue, all the pain softened by the quiet pink fluttering.

And then when there was nowhere else to walk and there seemed like nothing else to do; under a cherry blossom tree I sat down and wept.”

Hanami is the celebration of Cherry Blossoms. Parks are filled with people and food stalls at night, and rubbish and office Juniors minding their boss’ nightspots during the day. For a full two weeks they lasted, then disappeared as quickly as they had arrived. Truly ephemeral. Worthy of a Haiku.

Tiff and John on Work Ethics in Japan
If you’re tired work; if you’re hung-over, work; if you’re drunk, work; if you’re sick, work; if you’re dying, work; if you’re dead, make sure you’ve finished your work first.

You are NEVER allowed to leave the office before your boss. Not even if you’ve finished your work.

Firemen practise synchronised hose-unravelling techniques in the middle of a street, late at night.

Construction workers participate in warm-up exercises before work starts everyday. Interestingly none of them are overweight with beer guts spilling out of their singlets, or have butt cracks visible.

Train Station Attendants partake in a highly choreographed set of hand movements, some performed with a gusto and flamboyance which has the (perhaps intended) effect of making the job seem very important. The drivers also seem to talk to themselves.

We have learnt many things from our students – yes, teaching English really does give you an insight into culture – one of which is that, although almost every Japanese person goes to university, rarely does their major define their subsequent job. MBA graduate = McDonald’s Burger Attendant; Physics Major = Public Servant; English Major = Office Lady; Law Degree = Generic Salaryman.

John and Tiff on Teaching English in Japan
Teaching has been an interesting experience. John has revealed himself as having a flamboyant, performative teaching style which is a hit with the students. Tiffany’s teaching popularity relies upon her light-coloured hair and dazzling smile. Even so, within three months, we had both declared ourselves ‘over’ this job. The material just repeats itself, and when you are teaching the same content for three 80 minute lessons in a row, the boredom and de-motivation sets in. So it is essential that you see the humorous side.

Classes varied from one-on-ones with housewives, students and businessmen, to 30 five-year-olds in outservice at private kindergardens; and all degrees in between. The most common class was single students or groups of two or three. John taught only adults, and Tiff taught the whole gamut.

Some students are great. You click and the lessons become chats with new friends (with correction of course). But some students make teaching an absolute chore. Grumpy, hungover (frequently), refusing to repeat corrections (do they actually want to learn English?), back talk, smack talk, chat talk, complete gibberish – we heard it all. Some students draw out the most patient, understanding, educational, nurturing side of us, where we strove to facilitate the students’ development. Other students drew out the downright, impatient, nasty troll in all of us. But such is life.

You hear and see some bizarre things in the classroom. For example, “Scratch and Sniff lady” who would (in between questions and thinking of answers) take off her shoes, scratch her feet and smell her fingers. There’s really no delicate way to put it.

Some common English and pronunciation faux pas:
*A student, answering the question, “Have you done your homework?”, responded with: “Yes, I know him.”
*Teacher: “What did you do this morning?”, Student: “I waked up this morning, I shit in the corner and I eat my husband for breakfast.”
*Teacher: “Hello, how are you?”, Student: “How are you?”, Teacher: “No, no, no, how...are...YOU?”, Student: “How...are...you?”, Teacher: “Polly wants a cracker.”, Student: “Porry want clacker.”, Teacher: “Great! 35 minutes left.” (John during one of his finer impatient moments).
*Teacher: “Today we will talk about schedules. Do you know the word ‘schedule’?”, Student: “Ahhhh, yes. I know ‘schedule’. Schedule... schedule?”, Teacher: “You don’t know the word ‘schedule’, do you?”, Student: “Noooo.”

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Thank God it’s over. Oh, and after listening to the same mistakes over and over again, our English went downhill. Words started to escape us, tenses became muddled. And who knows what a gerund is anyway?!?!?!?!

John and Tiff on Health in Japan
Tiff got sick a lot. Sometimes for six weeks at a time. Lost her voice three times (beating her record of once ever in the rest of her life) and still had to teach. She told her students that they had to do all the talking that lesson...

The air was dirty and it filled pores.

John got a kidney/urinary tract infection and had to go to hospital at 4am one morning after peeing blood. The first hospital wouldn’t admit him because they didn’t have a urologist on staff at that time of day. The next hospital admitted him and asked:
Doctor: “So, what’s the problem?”
John: “I have blood in my urine.”
Doctor: “Oh, OK.”
John (sensing with his highly tuned teacher-sense that the doctor didn’t quite understand): “I...have...lots...of...blood...in...my...urine.”
Doctor: “OK I see. So, do you have a temperature?”
John: “Yes.”
Doctor: “And what colour is your urine?”
John: “...um...red.”
Doctor (sudden realisation): “OHHHHH! Sample please.”
Though he was more concerned when he saw John’s tattoo and pierced nipple (one of the signs of the Yakuza – the ‘mob’ - in Japan).

Tiff and John on Moments in Japan
Tiffany was asked to teach Kids’ Outservice on irregular Tuesdays and Fridays. This entailed shouting, jumping, running, singing and, of course, speaking English, with 30 five-year-old Japanese kids. By the end of the year, when she approached the school, they would run along the fence line screaming “Hello Tiffany Sensei!!!”

Travelling 1.5hrs on Fridays gave Tiff a lot of meditation time. And nice moments. One time she was sitting on a train at a stop where apparently a whole primary school was sitting on the platform. She caught the eye of one of the kids, and they smiled at each other and waved. Like a ripple through the crowd of kids, by the time the train pulled away, she was waving to the whole platform... Another time, an old lady sitting next to her started chatting to her (in English), and was so kind as to tuck in her clothes tag as she was leaving the train.

On one of the seemingly endless commutes to work on the crowded subway, John was dreaming of the future. Yearning to travel again, to move. Looking around, the present seemed so far from the adventures of 2006. And then, an ad. A picture of a boy, smiling against the red dirt of Africa. Over the coming months, seeing the picture rushing past on the way to the office, it sustained him and reassured him that he will again be out in the world, seeing these sights.

Tiff and John on Appearances in Japan
Tiffany must also have an approachable air. Middle-aged women have randomly walked up and told her she’s beautiful, that she has lovely legs, that her face is ‘kawaii’ (cute); and many men have simply walked up and asked her “What about Japan?”. Apparently they want a free Engrish lesson.

John on the other hand, has an “exotic” face; he should never have taught his students about euphemisms.

Tiff and John on Parks in Japan
Throughout the course of our time here in Japan, we have searched for, discovered and enjoyed many parks. Many close to our home, one with a bouldering wall, several with dog off-leash areas (which we have used to satisfy our puppy-longing), and the best ones with grass. Lots and lots of green grass. Pockets of grass. The best was definitely Shinjuku Gyoen with a French themed avenue lined with Sycamores. The most versatile was Heiwanomori near our house – great with a measured running track and the site of rough-housing soccer and picnics in the sun.

Tiff and John on Seasons in Japan
Spring is superb. Cherry Blossoms falling, green leaves coming and a crispness in the air.

Summer sucks. Scorching heat outside, drenching sweat under choking tie and jacket; then freezing your nipples off in the subway air-con.

Autumn is awesome. The colours are mindblowing. Who knew leaves on Earth could be red and purple?

Winter is wacky. Scorching heat inside the subway, drenching sweat under choking tie and jacket; then freezing your nipples off outside.

The seasons in Japan rock.

Tiff and John on Friends in Japan
At work, all our co-workers spoke English, and we were only allowed to speak English in the classroom (and all the train information is in English), therefore the need to learn Japanese was minimal. Many Japanese people wanted to practice their English with us, even when we wanted to speak Japanese with them. And we had started a language exchange earlier in the year, but with all English-speaking friends, the need became even less:

Aaron and Floss, an Aussie couple living in the same apartment block as us, gave up Japan about the time we were getting fed up with work. We went to a very atmospheric restaurant, practiced our Australian-accent Japanese on Aaron (who was very accomplished). He laughed at us. He couldn’t understand our English or our Japanese. We also played some very Japanese electronic darts. Long live sound effects!

Dana, a uni friend of Tiff’s living in Japan, took us out to dinner at a Japanese ‘pub’ (very popular drinking / small meal establishments) and then to karaoke. You’d think the national sport would be a little cheaper!?!?! Very fun though, not at all like Western karaoke where you stand up in front of a room full of strangers. A private little room with thousands of Japanese and Western songs, VERY loud music and two radio mikes so you can dance around as well. Apparently there are themed rooms too.

A Czech climbing girl, Val, was a lot of fun, both on and off the wall. She even taught us how to give the two Aussies Guiness on the house without getting caught.

Shuji and Hiroko were two people we wish we had more time to get to know. We’ve made them promise to come and meet us in Fontainebleu for bouldering this year. Shuji Sensei was John’s strong boulder master (he called John his power master), and Hiroko was one of that rare species of ‘strong female climbers’.

At the year-end breakup of J&S, there was Sake flowing and Japanese snacks abundant. The feeling of inclusion, regardless of language barrier, was so strong. We taught the locals the Australian climbing/drinking games, and they showed us how to keep the Sake down.

Belinda (climbing buddy), and her newly-acquired ‘mate’ Patrick, also showed us how to drink the Sake at our end-of-year/going away dinner together, if not how to keep it down. We tried every range of Sake from -10 to +10 (hard and strong to sweet and soft).

Being in Tokyo, Tiff just HAD to go out clubbing at least once. So, one cold Autumn night, she and friends from work, Kanna, Nicky, Tati and student friends Izumi and Yuka, and of course the lonesome male John, trawled Shibuya for an open club. Yes, we had trouble finding a club that was open and not playing reggae! We found one that satisfied all attendants taste, and had Spiderman playing on the screen for non-dancing John to watch, and stayed out past the last train at 00:30 and even missed the first train at 4:30. Ahhh, what a night!

Wendy was John’s work buddy. Partner in Berlitz crime and fellow Aussie sense of humour person. Ahh, they tore it up. Disgusted other teachers with their low brow, down-to-earth, self-deprecating, others-deprecating jokes.

Tony (Tiff’s dad) and his partner Jennie came to visit us in September. It was happy and sad altogether. We had seen them little more than six months previously so it was a bit strange having that familiarity with us in the new Tokyo ‘home’. Their apartment was bigger than ours (our whole apartment could have fit in their bedroom), and we set off fireworks in the park (only to be ushered out by an extremely polite and humble community watchman).

Towards the end of our stay in Japan we went on our down south tour. Christmas Day was spent in the company of Dan and Lit from back home, in Kyoto. We did what everyone else does in Kyoto, and what we had been doing ourselves for the previous week or so – sightseeing around beautiful temples. But at least we did it in the company of valued and time-tested friends. The bastards then got to go skiing in the beautiful Japan Alps, so we’re a little bitter still!

Tiff and John on Getting in Shape in Japan
After John’s accident, we both had a kind of enforced break from physical activity. On March 9, six months to the day, John went for his first run. From there on in, it became a quest to get in shape. Thanks to information from a student, we found a community gym which cost only 210yen (AUD$2.10) per session. We found a climbing gym. We went for runs around our neighbourhood (partially successful – small streets and lots of all sorts of traffic are not conducive to continuous running). Along the road to fitness and huge muscles, John did a record 30 chinups in a row and Tiff did 20 – YAY!

Tiff and John on Climbing in Japan
Keen to climb, Tiff teed up with an American girl through the classifieds of the weekly gaijin (foreigner) magazine. They climbed once a week together until John could no longer stand hearing all about it and decided to try out his back in a harness. It was strange to be back after a year, but the technical stuff was never lost. The climbing strength came back gradually. Tiff also met a Czech girl who then took us to a wicked outdoor crag with her boyfriend (the trip included 3 hours of getting lost and lots of “Futagoyama wa doko des ka?”). All of the climbing gyms have excellent bouldering facilities, and there are a number of bouldering-only gyms that put the climbing walls to shame. And there was even one steep artificial boulder in a park, free use, with no graffiti – amazing!

At the beginning of October while walking through our local arcade, we saw, out of the corner of our eyes, climbing holds! Through many gestures and broken Japanese/English we found that it was a new bouldering gym (J&S), which thereafter became our ‘local’. The two managers – Jack and Shuji – are legends. We found that although we didn’t need a common language, this was the first time that we had wanted to be able to communicate in Japanese beyond “Fukuro wa irimasen.” (I don’t need a bag).

It was at this very gym where at the end of a long session that the locals were doing one arm chinup and lock off attempts off a free-hanging Metolius Rock Ring off a double screw-on hold. They beckoned eagerly for John to come and try, because he has ‘Sugoi’ guns. Tiff told him not to because he was very tired. John did anyway. Halfway up his second one arm chinup, the screws holding the hold in place ripped out off the wall and the Rock Ring (compelled by the impetus of gravity, and the full body weight power and force of his ‘sugoi’ guns) smacked John in the mouth. His lip split, swelled up and went purple. This made teaching amusing. We thought he had cracked a tooth, but fortunately this turned out to be an existing condition.

Jack, a founder of the climbing scene in Japan, took us to a bouldering area that he was newly developing. It was autumn and cold and colourful and brilliant. Mizugaki. Then he took us to an ‘onsen’, Japanese hot spring, where yes, John had to get naked in front of other men and Tiff saw many middle-aged boobs and bums.

We also went to the Climbing World Cup round held in Mizo. Very inspiring stuff. We met up with an Aussie girl who used to compete against Tiff, although we arrived too late and didn’t get to see her climb. We were very proud of the fact that in our comps in Queensland, we had done most features of the competition (announcements, videofeed, results projections, competitor marshalling etc.) at the same standard of those at this World-level event.

On January 1, 2008, we went bouldering at Mitake, a series of boulders beside the rushing waters of a river, with Shuji and Hiroko. We sent ‘The Ninja’ (V5), apparently the defining route of climbers in Japan – you are not a real climber til you’ve sent it. So, John onsighted it and spent the rest of the 4 to 0 degrees celcius day working V7s, and Tiff spent the whole time working it and sent it on the last attempt of the day.

Finally, before we left Japan, Jack took some pictures of us which he included in the monthly technique article he writes for Japan RocknSnow. Ironic huh? We never make it into the Australian climbing mags, but less than a year and no understanding of the native language, and we do in Japan. (We think that the Japanese below John’s picture says “This is not the way to do the move.”)

Tiff and John on “Climbing” Mt Fuji in Japan (where else?)
Early in the Fuji season, we became pilgrims to the holy peak of Fuji, two hours south of Tokyo. We left our hotel at the bottom of the mountain, on foot, at 7am. We picked up supplies at the local 711 and walked into the official start of the Mt Fuji area, the huge shrine ‘Sengen Jinja’ around 8am, through a lined gravel path and ethereal fog.

The first section was completely green and forested. Dew settled on our clothes and the silence was thick. Until super-psycho-fit trail runners passed our turtle-slow butts.

Mid-afternoon we emerged from the forest onto a red scree path. We heard voices but could not see the bodies they belonged to. Like ghosts the dark shapes through the thick fog slowly made visible human forms, and we met the masses. We were at 6th station, where the majority of people doing the Fuji Summit start the walk from. We now joined the lines of people stepping foot over foot on the red dirt switchbacks, wide enough for a truck. Cow bells on wooden walking sticks scaring the ‘bears’ away. Chatter of people resting. Walk two switchbacks. Rest. Walk two switchbacks. Rest. Eventually we reach 7th station.

We rested beside an open fire-pit, kept aflame to heat the branding irons. No, not for livestock (although sometimes the masses of people walking had that air about them), but for branding wooden souvenir walking sticks. Done at each station up the mountain, the branders were amazed to see our stamp from the very first station (‘Sengen Jinja’). This became a tale for other visitors (in Japanese): ‘These two gaijin started walking from first station. Crazy!’. The comforting smell of the wood branding burning accompanied our four hours sleep in a 10 person wide double bunk bed.

We departed at midnight and feeling good, hiked toward the summit. Suffering from mild altitude sickness at 9th station (and not willing to use the oxygen canisters so readily available and being consumed), we slowed down and realising we weren’t going to make the summit for sunrise, stopped for an hour to see the breaking of the dawn. We battled on and reaching the peak, were met with hoards of people. We never did find the summit as it was covered with Shrines, a post office, vending machines, souvenir stalls and restaurants. Feeling like curling into a little ball, vomiting and never getting up again, we decided we should probably descend pretty quickly. Exhausted but happy we rocked into the bus station at 5th, and slept for an hour on the way back into town.

Magic moments on Fuji:
*The fairy light trail of head torches winding their way up the night mountainside to the summit.
*Bizarrely finding ourselves completely alone in the pre-dawn above-cloud twilight, turning off our headlamps and seeing more stars than we thought ever existed.
*Having a whole 10 person bunk bed to ourselves.
*The united roar of ecstasy from the thousands on the mountain when the sun peeked over the cloudline in the dawn.
*Using the robotic, high-tech, self-cleaning, self-kitty-littering, self-disposing porta-loos.

Un-magic moments on Fuji:
*Those damn bells!
*Being passed by a truck going up when you’re walking down. Why bother walking up when you can get a lift?

Tiff and John on Culture in Japan
Really, where do we start? How can we possibly sum up all the wonderful cultural experiences we’ve had in Japan, when already we’ve droned on for long enough?

Temples – Buddhist, Shrines – Shinto. They’re everywhere and they rock. They are in every suburb on every corner and they are tranquil havens in hectic Tokyo. The atmosphere is ancient, the people are modern, the festivals are big and crazy and loud. The incense is unique, the statues are exquisite, the traditions genuine.

New Year’s is a huge celebration marked by visits to the local religious corner, fire, 108 bell rings, rung by 108 people, signifying the 108 sins of humanity, sake, mochi, fortune notes, burnt offerings and lots and lots of people.

Tsukiji Fish Market is a wondrous place. Filled with miraculous fishies of the deep and other non-fishy creatures... of the deep. You can find Nemo, meet Moby, sing with Sebastian, and maybe even have a little mermaid. It has the freshest sashimi in the world and the craziest fish-moving-buggy drivers.

Nikko, well, it starts with a story of a monk in the mountains... I’ll tell you another time. It’s beautiful. In summer it’s green, wet and mossy, with idyllically stereotypical ancient shrines lost in the mist. In autumn it’s famous for vibrant red leaves and horseback archery (that’s real zen for ya - frickin AMAZING!!!). Witnessing taiko (Japanese drums) and hearing the tolling of the shrine bell echoing through the old growth forests, transports you hundreds of years from fast-paced modern Tokyo.

Sumo... the big sport for big boys. Though few Japanese actually go to the Sumo Stadium to watch the bouts, it is an experience to remember. The keening wail of the ‘herald’, the slapping and stomping, the strictly behaved umpires and the fastidious decoration really are the products of an older time. We spent the day feeling thin. The elite first class seats that people pay a packet for were only a few odd cushions placed strategically (dangerously?) close to the ring.
Kabuki, the theatre form for commoners, was an enjoyable experience. Comedic, colourful, elaborate (plots and sets), and of course with the mandatory moral at the end.

Noh, the theatre form for the upper class, was more like music accompanied by some people being statues and speaking loudly and monotonously. Half the audience were snoring, and most left at the end of the first act – after three hours!

Butoh, the post-war reactive theatre form, although an amazing exhibition of the human body and its capabilities, seemed like a very pretentious drama improvisation class. No Japanese person that Tiff asked had ever heard of it, yet she had studied it at university in Brisbane, Australia.

Hakone, the weekend getaway for visitors to Tokyo, was incredible. We (and Tony) did a circuit which included a funicular ride, train ride, cable car ride and pirate ship ride. En route we visited an outdoor sculpture museum (with lots and lots of green grass!!!! And some good sculptures...), a sulphur outlet in a dormant volcano where eggs are boiled to black in the sulphur pits (said to add seven years to your life, we are living an extra 14), and a big wide view from the top of a stained glass window tower.

Miyajima, a tiny island near Hiroshima, is a Japanese slice of heaven. The deer run freely, the oysters are served hot and boiled in their own juices, the Torii stand glowing emergent from the holy waters of the bay, and the people laugh and smile and walk happily. We were happy here.

The eeriness of tragedy pervades everything about Hiroshima around the A-Bomb dome. Pictures can never prepare you for the impact of seeing with your own eyes. The museums divest a sense of helplessness. The individuals’ stories drive home the personality of the event. The plaques commemorating all the letters the mayors of Hiroshima have written to world-leaders urging them against using atomic bombs are touching but disheartening. How many leaders do you think have listened?

Kyoto, with its abundance of shrines and temples, is the closest you can come to experiencing ancient Japan in the modern age. There are religious places to suit all tastes. Middle Ages, Ancient and Modern, foresty, city-based and everywhere in between. You can walk kilometres through Torii in the trees, or walk into a golden tatami-ed worship room next to a noodle shop. You can go to Starbuck’s and then walk on wooden stilted buildings which creak and sway with the life of the hillside. A real antidote to Tokyo, with modern comforts and traditional charm.

We made a day journey to a mountain temple specifically for one reason. Karmic Cleansing. Renowned for its' clay 'karma' disks, the temple is situated above a river gorge. You buy a standard three disks and try to throw them as far as you can. They are said to dispel bad karma. John bought 30. Let's hope it works...

John and Tiff on Occasions in Japan
Our seven year anniversary was spent dressed to the nines at the OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE – a supposedly Aussie chain, run by Americans, and serving American food.

Tiff’s birthday was celebrated, also with food, by buying a pizza. Yes, this was a special occasion, considering it’s about AUD$30 for a large pizza from Domino’s in Tokyo.

John got a public holiday for his birthday. We went bouldering at B-Pump.

The Australian election was an occasion we had had to fight for. Before leaving Australia, we had unenrolled so we didn’t have to vote while travelling. When we heard there was a federal election, we battled bureaucratic red tape to re-enrol in time to help Kevin ‘07. It was of course our votes that tipped the scales. And the visit to the Australian Embassy made us very nostalgic, not least because of the broad accents of the staff.

Christmas was a very special occasion for us, as our Australian-Thai friends Dan and Lit visited us in Kyoto for the day. We walked lots, saw shrines and ate Okonomiyaki at ‘Mr Young Men’. But the real spirit of Christmas comes with the ones you love. It was a blessing to have familiar faces to smile and laugh with on Christmas Day 2007.

But possibly the best occasion worth celebrating, was our first bed since home. Hotels tend to use futons on the ground, and that’s what we had in our apartment. Thin, lumpy pieces of crap on the floor; one year of this. This is modern Japan?!?!?! And you pay extra to have this ‘cultural experience’ in high end hotels. We took the cheap option in Hiroshima and got stellar beds – whole metres off the ground!!! A real bed!!!! There definitely were tears of joy.

John and Tiff on Neighbours in Japan
No wonder the Japanese people are so quiet and emotionally repressed. It’s because the walls are so paper-thin that everyone can hear everything happening in every house around them. When your neighbour is a hip-hop-gangsta-rapper-wannabe, who isn’t quiet and Japanese, it turns life into a shithole. Loud music, arguments, crying, screaming and loud sex (sometimes all at the same time!) all make you wish for quiet Japanese neighbours.

Our neighbours above weren’t home except for a stomping match every night between 11pm and 1am, oh and sometimes vacuuming at 2am, and so ear plugs became a permanent fixture.
For the last month, we moved into the apartment above hip-hop-gangsta-rapper-wannabe, and as John put it, “If he’s gonna supply the beat, I’m gonna dance.” So he stomped a merry little jig.

John and Tiff on Bureaucracy in Japan
John was working on a Working Holiday Visa. Initially for six months, you have to renew, if you want to continue working. We travelled to the only place in Tokyo not accessible by train, queued for 15 minutes to have a counter staff officer check John’s documents, sat for six hours waiting to talk to a counter staff officer for two minutes and submit the documents; then came back three weeks later to have a counter staff officer check John’s mailed notice of pickup, arrive at the pickup counter just as lunch started, and wait for three hours to reach across the counter and leave with his passport.

John and Tiff on Good Things in Japan
Japan is known for its’ honesty. Tiff lost her train pass (worth AUD$150) three times. Once it was returned to the ticket office at her local station; once it fell out of her pocket as she was walking, and when she came back panicked, that evening found it sitting propped on a fence; and once a nice old gentleman who spoke English helped her talk to the train station attendant and recover it from another station.

John lost his ticket once and never got it back.

Supermarkets have entrances and exits all over the place. The shopkeepers are so confident that people won't steal that you can exit without going through the checkout.

Tiff returned the honesty one time by handing in a 10,000yen (AUD$100) note to a station attendant. She walked away kicking herself, thinking that the attendant would just pocket it himself, but was re-assured by her students that he would log it in lost property. In Japan, shop workers can turn away from an open till, not fearing that the customer will reach over the counter and steal from them. Ahhh, the breath of fresh goodness.

The train system in Japan is the most efficient, time and cost-effective mode of transportation ever seen in the modern world.

Public toilets are everywhere, are clean, are automatic and have heated seats (and other little buttons which do remarkable things with water sprays).

During the Christmas period, Western carols, most notably Mariah Carey’s “All I want for Christmas”, blare out of the street speakers, imbibing a feeling of goodwill in all who hear them.

John and Tiff on Getting By in Japan
We lived in a shoebox, without our families, and we would sometimes go weeks without seeing the sky. Our escapes each Monday (our shared day off) were so important to our sanity.
Not understanding Japanese television, everyday we found solace in watching Scrubs DVDs which had been sent to us from home. Thanks Jan. It’s surprising how much comfort can be felt having a good laugh with familiar friends.

We had planned to visit a photography exhibition on our fine-day visit to Odaiba, but when we turned up it looked deserted and we were exhausted and hungry so decided not to go in that day. On the closing night, we came along again, and stood in the queue in the pouring rain for an hour. The exhibition was called Ashes and Snow and the images (sepia-toned of wild Asian animals and humans) were beautiful. However, because the scenes shot seemed to be very constructed, the pleas of realistic photography were a little pretentious.

The other photographic exhibition we went to, this time real honest imagery, was of a German photographer who did a tour of all the deserts of the world on the back of his motorbike (BMW for whoever is interested). The pictures were incredible. Words cannot describe the amazing congruity of his travellers’ tales and the magical images working together. It was great inspiration for us at a time when we were planning our move on; our next leg.

The Monday mornings together of our last three months, were always spent drinking coffee at Starbuck’s (the only place to get a decent cup of coffee, soy, for less than AUD$10), with our trusty laptop, planning the next part of our travels. It’s hard to understand the relief we felt when we started thinking of the future, instead of feeling stuck in the mundanity of the present. As we were planning to visit so many countries, we had to timetable our visa applications so that they wouldn’t expire before we arrived in the country (in three months or so). The Chinese Embassy visit was efficient, the Vietnam Embassy visit was just toooooo easy, the Russian Embassy visit was scary, the UK Embassy visit was expensive and the Mongolian Embassy visit was confusing. All accurate signs of things to come. :)

Buying our plane tickets to Bangkok was a great moment, but set the fears in motion, of change. What fickle creatures we are!

Tiff and John in Dots Points on Japan
§ Halitosis IS a cureable disease people – just use breath mints and toothpaste. Please.
§ Podiatrists would make a fortune here if people actually used them. Pigeon-toed-ness, outward and inward rolling ankles and bow legs are more chronic than bad teeth. And that’s saying something.
§ If you run with straight arms and legs, we can still see that you’re running. And you won’t get there any faster. And now we’re doing it too...
§ Although the trains during peak hour come about every three minutes, people act as though life on Earth will end if they don’t catch THIS train.
§ No matter how independent the country, Queen, U2 and Kate Bush will still play in Macca’s. Macca’s culture will always prevail over local culture.
§ Nowhere else in the world will a random man come up to another random man (ie. John), circle his hands around his bicep and breathe “Sugoooooy!”
§ Yoshinoya and Matsuya are great cheap eats. BUT eat too much and you won’t poo for a month.
§ Raw squid is ika.... yes it is.
§ Good mochi is divine, bad mochi is dangerous.
§ Pocky Sticks ‘For Men’ make you strong. Sharma eats them.
§ Polite = Japanese.
§ Safe = Japanese.
§ Quirky = Japanese.
§ Geeky Western guys who could never get laid in their own home country but who are now studs = only in Japan.
§ Men acceptably cheating on their wives = Japanese.
§ A week without the sky is a hard week.
§ A month without the sky makes you mad.
§ If you’re happy and you know it...
§ Move to Japan.
§ Leave Japan.
§ Put on a black suit and blend in.
§ Drink sake.
§ Eat fish.
§ Get naked and soak.
§ Boulder with the Japanese masters.
§ Become a teacher.
§ If you’re bored, scared, distressed, angry, sad and you know it...
§ Become a teacher.
§ Don’t brush your teeth.
§ Just pee in a cup and show him.
§ Drink sake.
§ If you’re bitter and you know it...
§ Drink sweet sake.
§ If you miss Japan and you know it...
§ Clap your hands... *Clap Clap*
§ If you’ve read all this...
§ You should get out more.
§ And clap your hands.

For accompanying photos, see:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/saintrinity

http://www.flickr.com/photos/saintrinity/page2/